Brothers

My brother Matt, and my husband Jeremiah both were born into families as the only sons.  They both always wanted a brother.  Then, they had each other.

If I remember correctly, it was a perfect match from the start.  Both Matt and Jer are outgoing, loud, funny, larger-than-life, guys-guys.  They had differences, of course, but the core foundations for friendship (and brotherhood) were there.

In a precious email to my family from one of Matt's most beloved people, Katherine, she wrote to each of us of her special insights into Matt's love for his family members.  She wrote to Jeremiah;

"Jeremiah, aka Johnny/Ricky, in you, Matt found a brother, not a brother-in-law, a real, true brother.  The times I remember him laughing the hardest always involve you. It was that night five years ago when you stayed up dancing to Toto that I so often picture in my head these days when I think of Matt.  You gave him pure joy."  

Needless to say, there are inside jokes in her email that were between Matt and Jeremiah.  There is no need to explain them, but only to understand that inside jokes come with time, love, friendship, and the rare relationship that shares the same, if not similar, sense of humor.

Matt loved Jer.  In his least favorable version of himself, or his darkest times, he put Jer on a pedestal.  He said he wanted to be someone we could all rely on again, someone who was true to his word, like Jer.  In his best version of himself, he was Jer's best friend.

Jer loved Matt.  When Matt was sick, he prayed for him, was real with him....he told it like it was.  When Matt was Matt, Jer did his excited dance if he knew we would see him.

"What's your brother doing?"  "Is Matt going to be there?"  "Let's invite Matt and Katherine!"  "Let's call your brother and see what he's doing."  "Does Matt want to come with?"  "We should totally ask Matt if he wants to come."  

Jeremiah never lost hope for Matt.  He never thought that Matt would not recover.  He always believed in him.  Even when I doubted Matt's recovery, Jer didn't.  That's what brothers do. They believe in each other with ferocity.

Matt believed that Jer was the best husband, going to be the best father, had crazy but wonderful ideas for his future, would accomplish them, and that he had incredible faith.  Jer believed that Matt would recover, marry happily, practice law, be the greatest uncle to our children, and maybe even move in down the street.  He believed that Matt could do wonderful things with his faith.  

Neither of them ever thought to picture life without the other.  Your mind doesn't go there at the age that we are.  You believe that you have decades together, and you dream about what those years will look like.

Now Matt is gone, and Jeremiah is the only young man in our family.  Someday, my sister will marry, someday maybe we will have children, and someday, we will grow...but for now Matt's presence is with us in Jer.  

For Christmas, my family decided that Jer should have Matt's watch.  He also now wears Matt's black, North Face jacket.  When I see the watch on Jeremiah, I remember Matt getting dressed up and proudly putting on his fancy watch from our grandmother.  I can see the way it fit snugly on his huge wrists.  I remember how he pushed up his sleeves to show it off.  When Jeremiah walks in the door from work, wearing Matt's black coat, sometimes for a second, it feels like Matt is standing in the kitchen.  I remember how the cuffs hung over his wrists and that he always had a hoodie sticking out in the back.

Jeremiah would never replace Matt, they are two separate and wonderful men.  What Jeremiah is able to do however, is to comfort us with reminders of him.

On Matthew's birthday, what would have been his 28th year of life, we all gathered together at my house.  It was a wintry, December night.  We ordered pizza and had ice cream cake.  That is what we would have done if Matt had been there.  When my mom and sister pulled up to the house, Jeremiah was in the backyard.  He immediately began pelting them with snowballs.  As his wife, I was annoyed that he thought that was an appropriate way to welcome my mother into our home on her son's birthday.  My mom, however thought it was wonderful.

"That is EXACTLY what Matt would have done," she said.

She was right, he would have been out there with Jer.  It would have been his idea.

Brothers come to us in so many different ways.  They are born on a cold, December day, a surprise baby for two older sisters.  They are given to us as we marry into families.  They are best friends. They are cousins.

Jeremiah and I had a brother named Matt.  We loved him and he loved us.  Our lives were fuller and brighter because of him.

This picture of Matt and Jer is from December 26, 2009.  They had spent the entire day watching a "Step Up" marathon on TBS and recovering from Christmas.  The following summer, they convinced Katherine and I to see the new "Step Up" movie in 3D.  We are still not sure why they loved it so much.  In the picture, the lights from Jer's Jeep make it difficult to see their smiling faces.  I like that as it seems almost heavenly.  Matt is certainly in Heaven waiting for us.  I bet that in Heaven, we will be able to do some of those dance moves that we saw in the movie.