When I was in college, I studied in another country for a semester. It was exciting, enlightening, educational, scary, fascinating, and oh-so-much-fun. I grew tremendously, being away from the comfort zone of my close family and friends, and had experiences I will never forget. However, no matter how much fun I was having that semester, I was always a little bit homesick. I knew that as wonderful as my study abroad experience was, home would always be better. That time in my life is the perfect analogy for my newfound perspective on our life here on Earth, and our eventual entrance into Heaven.
In perfect honesty, I have to say that the thought of going to Heaven used to scare me. As someone who fully believes in Heaven, that is hard to admit. The idea of leaving the comfort, security, and people of my life was frightening. Heaven seemed mystical, far away, and foreign.
Losing my little brother and two pregnancies has completely changed that perspective. This last year, I have started to think of Heaven as more of an actual place than just a promise from Jesus. We will go there. Matt is there. The two little lives that God started inside of me are there. They are waiting for me.
More importantly, I have started to view my life with a heavenly perspective. This is where the true lesson has been learned, and the biggest change has taken place inside of me.
When I do get to Heaven, so many things will make sense. I will have answers to questions.
Why did we lose Matt?
Why is it such a struggle for Jer and I to become parents?
Why did my two pregnancies not result in healthy babies?
Why do innocent children die? Why is there drug addiction? Why is there war? Why can't we cure cancer?
Why is there so much pain in this world?
We are not meant to know the answers to these questions. What we do know is this:
This life is not perfect. God does not promise that it will be perfect. He does promise that we will have eternal happiness when we meet him in Heaven.
Until that day, we will have glimpses of Heaven and the hope of eternal joy. Knowing that helps me through my day.
Do I miss Matt? I miss him so much that some days, it physically hurts. Am I afraid that I will never become a mother? Yes, it is a constant worry. Did that traffic jam suck? It was the worst. Is it terrible to argue with my husband? I HATE those kinds of days. BUT, that is how this life is...ups and downs, highs and lows, pain and happiness, tears and laughter...until we are taken home to be with God (and Matt, and my babies, and my grandma and grandpa, and my Uncle Tommy, and every other precious and special loved one who is missed desperately by all of us).
Heaven is not only a place that I would like to go, but it is hope and a promise of joy that guides me through the pain.
Twelve years ago, when I came home from my semester abroad, I could hardly wait to see my family. I was nervous and excited and anxious all at the same time. I had missed them so much and wanted nothing more than to be together again.
When I finally walked through the big doors after customs at O'Hare, the first person I saw was Matt. I still remember he was wearing a white logo t-shirt, a navy blue baseball hat backwards, and he was holding a yellow rose for me.
When he saw me he yelled, "Jules!" Then he laughed, smiled his huge smile, and yelled my name again. I can still hear his voice. He hugged me hard, and I remember how loved I felt.
I know that is exactly how he will greet me in Heaven. He will call my name, laugh because he is so glad I'm finally there, and hug me so tight. All of the time that we missed here together on Earth won't matter, because we will be together again. Those years will seem like they were merely seconds.
We will all be there together again, someday.
This life is wonderful, exciting, exhilarating, painful, heartbreaking, an adventure, and filled with so much beauty. However, just as I knew that home would always be better than my adventures in another country, I now know that Heaven will always be better than our best day on Earth.
