It would be a novel filled with twists and turns, highs and lows, heart break and joy. If I think of my life in that context, the current pain is put into perspective. I am an avid reader, and I know that the tone of novels, especially the magnificently written, can change instantly.
How lucky would we be to wake up on our 87th birthday and be handed a book that was the story of our lives? It would be thick, leather, and have our names engraved in gold on the front. How moving, powerful, heart-wrenching, inspiring and encouraging would each of our stories be? If our lives were turned into novels at the end of our time here, who would read them and how would they be affected by the literature?
It is possible that we would be the only individuals to turn the pages with fervor and excitement, remembering each step that we took and reminiscing on the lives that we led. Even if that were the case, I would gladly accept the gift. A beautifully written novel moves my soul.
One my most favorite books is Gone With the Wind. As a little girl, I snuggled under homemade afghans in my grandparent's basement and watched the entire movie with my grandmother during a weekend sleepover. I was entranced. I loved the dresses, the accents, the drama, and of course, the kissing. As an adult, I knew that if I adored the movie, the book would be far superior. It did not disappoint.
Scarlett O'Hara's life begins in a blessed way. She knows no pain, and cannot fathom a world outside of the plantation of Tara. It does not take long for her world to be turned upside down. As the story continues, you experience the life of this woman with her. She encounters, grief, love, betrayal, poverty, opulence, and incredible loss. Sometimes she handles it with grace, but most times she does not. The story ends with heartbreak as the love of her life walks off into the misty fog as he can no longer endure her fickle heart.
The part of Scarlett that draws me to her is that in this crisis, she wipes her tears, her eyes begin to sparkle, and she convinces herself that, "After all, tomorrow is another day." She vows to move forward with hope in spite of intense pain. I love that about her.
There is something about intense heartbreak that makes you want to turn the page, to see what is next, to keep reading the story. There is something about emotional pain that makes me say to myself, "After all, tomorrow is another day." I want to know what is in store for me. What is on my next page, or chapter of life. This crisis has to spur me on, as I can't stay frozen in this heartbreaking moment.
My heart has broken this past year more than I have thought was possible. Sometimes I feel the actual breaking in my chest. My sleep is filled with nightmares, my stomach feels as if someone is gripping it, tears flow easily when they once were hard to conjure up. I miss my little brother, I have been knocked down countless times in our fertility struggle, and I have hopes and dreams that I have only seen fulfilled in my mind.
However, God is the author of my story and He does not make mistakes.
If I live through heartbreak, I know that my heart is still beating.
There is a song that my students sang at their 5th grade graduation last year. It is slightly cheesy, and overplayed, but I tend to like songs like that. There is a set of lyrics in the beginning that encourage me to keep the sparkle in my eyes, despite the tears.
"Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say...I did it all"
I love those lyrics because the writer is wishing heartbreak on the listener. Heartbreak changes us in a way we cannot fathom until we experience it. It makes our story a "page turner". It keeps our life interesting and beautiful and overwhelming and magnificent.
Heartbreak puts our stories on the bestseller list.
Listen to "I Lived"
